Motherhood and Marriage

I read www.dooce.com. I love Heather. I admire that she has the guts to honestly publish her life experiences and she doesn't sugar coat it. There are so many people out there that want to pretend that life is perfect and it's just not. Not to say that life isn't awesome. It certainly can be, but we all go through struggles and it's nice to know that I am not alone.

Yesterday the subject on dooce was motherhood vs. marriage. Which is harder? Here are my thoughts on the matter:

I absolutely think that motherhood is harder. Maybe that is because I didn't have a lot of experience with babies and then I ended up having two at once. It made it even harder that I had two boys and I grew up surrounded with women.

It's funny I would say that motherhood is harder, because my marriage didn't survive, so it was obviously difficult. But now, being in a relationship that is so different for me, a relationship that I really WANT to make work, I find it much easier than motherhood.

Motherhood comes with the heavy weight of knowing that you brought this precious life or lives into the world and that it is your responsibility to protect them and love them and also prepare them for the world. It is a big duty.

I want to be clear though, just because I think motherhood is harder doesn't mean that I don't relish it and that I am not thankful for the honor in being a mom. It IS hard, but it is also so wonderfully rewarding.

And I cried...

Life is hectic. Every day we are up early to start the cycle of kids going to school, working at the office, cooking, cleaning, laundry, homework, bills, and bedtime routines... It goes on and on, just to start over again the next day. I get overwhelmed sometimes, even though I know that most of the pressure on me comes from myself.

Last night my boys were behaving badly. Nothing terrible, just kids being kids. I was trying to put a good meal on the table at a decent time. I had to put both the boys in time out while I was cooking and I was just feeling frazzled. The stress of the day was admittedly getting to me and I sincerely wanted to burst. Later, I sat down on the couch, which I hardly ever do. Cody looked over at me and said, "I am SO happy, mama." I said, "I am glad Cody. Why are you happy?" He answered, "Because I love you."

And I cried. Because my heart was full and I was sorry that I don't enjoy every moment that they are little and that I can hold them in my arms. He just wanted me to sit on the couch with them. It's just dinner. It's just laundry. None of it matters if I don't enjoy my loved ones. And I do love them so much.